


Magazine

by poloniusthegiraffe



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: F/M, No Plot/Plotless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-18 18:54:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8172310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poloniusthegiraffe/pseuds/poloniusthegiraffe
Summary: Amy hates waiting. (set sometime before 2x23)





	

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know. It's fluffy garbage.

Scanning the room on the hottest day in July, Amy notices: one elderly lady, rather stereotypically knitting; a sticky, feverish boy of about five; the boy's mother, eyes closed, very pregnant, trying to will away the entire room it seemed; and one corpulent middle-aged man, asleep (or dead?).  
  
She can feel the sweat oozing, _oozing_ , out her pores. She shifts in her seat, desperate not to  _stick_ to anything. Wonderful.  
  
She would like to be anywhere - anywhere - but here. Door duty, or being stuck in an elevator with Charles and baked goods, or listening to Jake ramble on about... anything. The top twelve reasons Bruce Willis could beat the Terminator in a fight. Whatever.  
  
Today, the 27th of July is the day she's scheduled for her semi-annual physical exam. Whoot.  
  
She studies each patient, wondering why they're here, what would possibly possess them to leave a nice air conditioned premises. If Jake were here, there would've been a game out of it.  
  
She hates waiting. Loathes, detests, despises, dislikes, abhors, execrates it.  
  
Snotty child catches her eye, sticks out his tongue. She almost sticks hers out in return, but manages to stop herself. It's too fucking hot. A pile of worn magazines sits on the table just outside her reach. She eyes their dog-eared pages warily, the many infected and diseased hands that have touched them make them undoubtedly a hotbed for the worst kind of bacteria. The boy makes another face and looks like he might start a conversation, and she really isn't interested in how many different trucks can fit in an average toy chest, so she quickly grabs the nearest Ebola-infected magazine and pulls it close to her face, creating an unbreachable barrier between them.  
  
Her eyes focus.  
  
Oh lord.  
  
It's a tabloid magazine. She's staring at page 14, bent and smeared with multicoloured gel pen. It's a quiz. It's a quiz for teenage girls.  
  
Are you and your crush DESTINED TO BE TOGETHER?  
  
She muffles her (almost hysterical) laugh. She scans the 8 EASY QUESTIONS tested and proven to _help you take your relationship from LONGING STARES to real live HANDHOLDING!_ She's just about to put it back and pull out her phone. She looks up and surveys the room once more. Unconscious Dude is still immobile. Granny Smith is furiously puttering away at an impossibly long scarf. (That reminds her, she really needs to replenish her yarn supply after Jake used all of it, trying to fashion a homemade hammock in the break room). Dennis the Menace is hanging off his mother's legs. No one is looking at her. She swallows. She slides her hand into her bag. She pulls out a pen. She shakes her head.  
  
Is this what we're doing now?  
  
**1) How long have you known your crush?**  
  
Evidently she is. She puts a minuscule perfect tick next to **D) More than four years.**  
  
**2) Do know when your crush is lying?**  
  
She laughs audibly at that. The amount of money he's lost in the monthly break-room poker game is a good indicator. **A) Yes,** along with the entire precinct.  
  
**3) Do you know something is wrong without having to ask?**  
  
She snorts. Absolutely. She checks **A) Every time** , then crosses it out and marks **B) Almost always.**  
  
**4) Do you know what he is thinking?**  
  
**C) Sometimes.**  
  
**5) Do you know everything about each other?**  
  
**B) No.**  
  
_"Did you laminate the crossword puzzle Holt helped you with last week?"_  
  
**A) Yes.**  
  
**7) Do you feel weird around your crush?**  
  
I feel weird doing this quiz. **C) Sometimes.**  
  
**8) Does your crush know you like him?**  
  
She sets the magazine down. She puts her pen in her bag. She stops, heaves a sigh, picks it back up again. She marks **C) No way!**  
  
**9) When your crush passes by, what does he do?**  
  
**A) Makes eye contact and smiles. B) Looks away. C) Blushes. D) Taps your shoulder.**  
  
She wants to add **E) Laughs at your expense, then throws candy** but marks **D).**  
  
**10) If you were in a position to proposition him, would you?**  
  
**C) I don't know.**  
  
**11) Have you ever kissed your crush?**  
  
She rubs her temples and groans a little too loudly.  
  
"Headache, dear?" Granny is watching her.  
  
"Something like that," Amy says.  
  
"This heat is terrible, isn't it?"  
  
"Awful." She ticks **B) No**.  
  
**12) How would your crush tell you he really likes you?**  
  
She's deciding between **B) He'd write me a note and slip it in my locker!** and **C) He would never tell me!** when her phone lights up. She taps to text, covering her answers with her bag because _he might see._ Christ, she's 13 years old. She _will not_ giggle.  
  
**\- whre r u?????**  
  
Trying to find out if we're  _two pieces of a frickin puzzle_!  
  
**-I'm at the doctors office, remember?**  
  
**-i new dat.. its been 16 hrs, y rn't u dun???**  
  
**-Well, I'm not, all right?**  
  
**-k. r u okay?**  
  
See, if we were MEANT FOR EACH OTHER you would already know that I am not.  
  
**-i bought u icd cawfee**  
  
**-Thanks. I'll just be another hour.**  
  
**-have fun.**  
  
**-You bet :(**  
  
Cool.  
  
Turn to page 18 and find out how LEGIT your OBSESSION is!  
  
Oh, someone help.  
  
She turns. She turns some more. Her mouth opens and closes.  
  
The page isn't there  
  
"Amy Santiago?" The receptionist calls in a cold no-nonsense voice. Amy blanches.  
  
"Um…hold on." She flips to the back pages of the magazine. Has to be here. Has to be. It's not.  
  
"Miss Santiago?" Her voice is rising.  
  
"Just a second!" Amy all but yells. Everyone turns to stare at her, even the Man Previously Thought to be Dead.  
  
"You can bring it into the office, you know," The little boy's mother says helpfully.  
  
She approaches the receptionist, with both verve and gusto. "Um…there seems to be a page missing…from here. See? Page…18?"  
  
The receptionist stares. "Excuse me?"  
  
"I don't think you understand. I need…I need to know…" She stops. She lays the magazine down on the counter. "You really need to update the reading material out here."  
  
The exam room is _so_ hot. She places her bag on the ground next to the chair. She waits. Her cell rings. She turns it off.  
  
**13) How many times a day does your crush call just to see how you're doing?  
**  
**D) More than 10.**

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comment ferociously!


End file.
